During my
career of doing estate administration, I found in the earlier years that the
beneficiaries were more appreciative of what they received. The children got along and all was well. However, our society has changed and now
there are many cases ending up in court to settle matters which were not able
to be settled amicably. Family members
become estranged from one another sometimes over the most trivial matters.
So, what
can you do to keep peace in your family after you go to that great place in the
sky? Here are some basic suggestions for
people of all ages to consider:
Is your
estate planning up to date – or do you even have your planning done? This is a very broad term – estate planning –
and covers many areas. Should you die
without having completed your estate plan, certain areas will be decided
according to law rather than according to your wishes. These include, but are not limited to, who
will inherit your assets, who will become the representative of your estate to
handle the administration, who will become the guardian of minor children. If you don’t want the law to make these
decisions for you, then you need to have estate planning done. Also, the lack of estate planning tends to
leave family members feeling like they have a mess to deal with. Financial records could be incomplete or in
today’s world be kept only online and not be evident. This leaves a mystery of what assets there
are and the value. End of life and
postmortem wishes are not known. Just to
name a few.
Estate
planning includes addressing the issues stated above, but there is more to
it. A prior blog discussed having the
talk with children to let them know what your wishes are, where to locate
documents and information when needed, etc.
Keeping too many secrets from your children can present problems. If you have preplanned your funeral and/or
purchased a burial plot, even perhaps planned your memorial service, let your
children know where to find this information when the time comes. If they find it a couple of weeks after you
pass, it does no good for any one.
Sharing this kind of information is not easy but it is so helpful.
During
your lifetime, there may be a need to have someone act on your behalf to pay
bills, handle financial matters, etc. if you are unable to do so. A Durable Power of Attorney is the document
which names an agent to act on your behalf if needed. Without a Durable Power of Attorney, your
family could experience the inability to gain access to your bank account. Would you want this to happen?
In the
event you became unable to make your own medical decisions, a Health Care
Directive/Living Will is very important.
This will name an agent to make medical decisions on your behalf
according to your wishes. It provides
medical personnel with a point person with whom to discuss your care and how to
proceed. I have seen families with
several children and the parents do not have a Health Care Directive. Each of the children can rationalize why they
know what mom or dad wanted and should be able to make the decisions. However, without a document naming an agent,
there is no point person. This leads to
much angst with the family as well as the medical professionals.
You may have indicated to different individuals your wish that a certain asset was to go to them. However, if you don’t write it down and after your passing more than one person wants to claim a particular asset, what happens? Each of these persons has their side of the story as to receiving the asset and feels entitled to it. Once again, angst among the kids. So, what should you do?
A Last Will and Testament will solve the problem if done properly. A Will states who is to receive your assets and who is to be the executor to wrap up your affairs. Generally, a Will addresses the distribution of tangible personal property through a memorandum document which you prepare and place with your Will. However, failure to complete the memorandum is cause for problems. Sticky notes on the back or bottom of items are not valid indicators of beneficiaries of items.
Estate
planning also includes making certain that beneficiary designations of life
insurance and/or retirement accounts are completed properly. It should never be assumed that if one
beneficiary is designated that they will split the asset with other
children. There may be tax consequences
incurred by the designated beneficiary and it would not be fair to have them
burdened with tax when they had to share the money.
An out of
date Will can pose many problems. Let’s
say that an unmarried aunt/uncle left nephews and nieces a specific dollar
amount in cash. When the aunt/uncle
dies, their assets were insufficient to make payment of these bequests, let
alone have any residual to distribute to the residuary beneficiary. If you have specific bequests in your Will
and your financial status changes due to increased expenses, updating your Will
to better reflect your current status can save much angst.
Be
realistic when thinking about the disposition of your assets. If you have a family member with special
needs, consider whether an outright distribution from your estate would
compromise any benefits they may be receiving.
Would you want the spouse of a child to be able to stake a claim in your
child’s inheritance from your estate? Is
there a beneficiary that doesn’t handle money very well? These are all matters which should be brought
up with the attorney who is assisting with your estate planning so that steps
can be taken to protect your intentions.
There are
programs on television about hoarders.
While you may not be a hoarder, be realistic about what fills your home. Have you held on to items just because you
think you may be able to use them in the future – even though you haven’t used
them in the 10 or 20 years since acquiring them? The thought of going through the contents of
your home can be overwhelming but spending 30 or 60 minutes at a time can help
you eliminate your excess. Charities are
always happy to receive donations of items that can be reused. Leaving your accumulation of excess items is
a monumental task for your family to go through. I’ve cleaned out many houses of clients who
passed away and I can tell you that it is not a fun job. I had no emotional ties to the deceased, but when
you think of your children going through each and every item, not only is it a
time-consuming job, but it is very emotional.
Be
proactive. Make doing your estate
planning a priority or if you have your planning done, review it. Laws change, people change, change is constantly
occurring. Don’t leave things in a state
of disarray for your children to put together like a puzzle without having the
picture to look at. Your intentions are
for peace and cohesiveness within your family; not estrangement.